Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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