You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
