Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
