One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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