you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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