So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
