We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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