they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
