Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
