We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
