I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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