Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
