Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
