The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
