and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My vagina is very pro this idea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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