Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
