dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
porn star boner night. come get it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
