I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
