I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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