Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
