Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
