Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
