No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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