dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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