I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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