"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
