guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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