you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
