I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Text me some of your sweat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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