By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will be naked everywhere
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
