I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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