you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The air taste purple.
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