He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
