You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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