I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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