I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The uberlube is also flammable
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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