so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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