The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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