Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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