This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
