Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When are your genitals available?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
