I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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