Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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