I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
