She's JV to your varsity
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
