"it" just moved
i wish my penis had a tongue
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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