I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
