the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
