we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
