i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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