I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
