It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
